Dream Journal 04.06.18 — Write, Mitch, Write!

An occasional feature in which I explore the inscrutable depths of my subconscious.

I have a match against Zack Sabre Jr. He's one of the best wrestlers in the world, a submission specialist and a rising star who won this year's New Japan Cup, so I need to bring my A-game. I'm just a nobody on the independent scene, but it's Wrestlemania week and the entire professional wrestling world has descended on NOLA. This could be my chance to break out. I'm nervous.

My wife has given me a gift. I open it to find a brand-new pair of gold trunks with some lettering on the back. (I can't remember now what it said.) She's proud of me and she thinks I'm ready for this. I've only wrestled in a shirt and shorts before. Longstanding body-image issues, you understand. But it's time now to grab that brass ring, and that means dressing the part.

Clad in my trunks and nothing else, I see that I'm late for the match. Really late. We were supposed to go on at 10, and it's already twenty past. Uh-oh. I hurry out of the locker room and begin descending the stairs toward the auditorium. Then I feel it. A rumble in my gut. A gurgle.

Uh-oh.

I turn back and take the stairs two at a time. I rush into the locker room, the growl in my stomach becoming a roar. Suddenly the place is packed with other wrestlers. Their stuff is all over the floor. I haven't been here before and I'm having trouble finding the stalls. I locate them. I'm gritting my teeth, wishing the up-and-down motion of my power-walking weren't so jostling to to my insides. But there it is, steps ahead of me. An open stall. I just need a few more seconds...

Mid-stride, my bowels loose. It's a complete blowout, a volcanic eruption from my no longer pristine trunks. Everyone sees it, and, for that matter, hears it. I slink into the stall, lock the door, and hide.

I end up missing the match. ZSJ's replacement opponent, previously unknown, ends up as one of the breakout stars of the weekend. Unclear in the dream if I ever leave the stall again.

My god, what could it mean? This dream defies explication!